I think I’m having a blog identity crisis or perhaps I’m just having an identity crisis myself in general. Do you ever have times where you don’t feel like yourself? Or feel that you used to be someone else entirely and have somehow morphed into a person you no longer recognise? Deciding to leave my photographic education behind was, in hindsight, a much bigger decision to make than I recognised it to be at the time because I think that's a big part of who I was/am/want to be.
Sailboat has sort of fallen into the beauty blog category entirely by accident, I’m in no way saying this is a bad thing, but it wasn’t my intention. My very first, very timid short post, started things off on a very vague and unsure footing. I’d been reading blogs for months who had many hundreds of followers and I admit that at first I craved that. I had that feeling of being the new kid at school; wanting to blend in & make friends. Has that shaped the posts I make? I don’t know, not really. I suppose if you start a blog on those premises it won’t be long before writing posts becomes a chore rather than something enjoyable. That hasn’t happened to me, I’m just wanting something a little extra. Everything has to have it's own unique selling point & I'd like to discover mine.
I adore make up & beauty, that’s a given, but there are also so many more things I love as much, if not more. Despite leaving my photography degree I still adore photographs and everything about photography. For someone so passionate about it I’m almost ashamed to admit that the only photographs I’ve taken over the past six months have been for my blog. Granted I do put a fair bit of effort into those photographs and I think they are appreciated by those who read my posts, but I used to photograph everything, sometimes for a concept and sometimes just because.
All my cameras are just sitting there in a box in a corner of my bedroom getting no love. The other day, for a split second, I thought about selling them and then I came back to reality. This isn’t something I should quit just like that. If anything it’ll give me an outlet for all my pretentiousness rather than emptying it all out into a blog post like this. Throughout my years at art school I’ve met more than my fair share of overly pretentious people and I think a bit of it’s rubbed off on me, oops. Filling pages upon pages of complete and utter nonsensical tosh was encouraged and more often than not counted for more of your grade than the photographs you took. This was something I never quite fully understood but I did discover a skill for writing said nonsensical tosh and secretly I think I’m better at that than I am at taking photographs.
A couple of days ago I plucked up the courage to send off my Open University application. It’s something I’ve been putting off for a while and to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why. I’m fairly decided upon studying towards a BA (Hons) English Language and Literature degree and I’ve even picked out the individual modules I’d like to take. Perhaps the apprehension is due to a change of direction; the dreaded “eek things are changing” feelings. I’ve never been ambitious or particularly career minded. When I was 7 I wanted to be a chocolatier because I’d just seen Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. When I was 10 I wanted to be a vet because me and my mum used to watch Animal Hospital with Rolf Harris, but then I realised that the animals might not make it and I’d be really upset. When I was 14 I wanted to be an archaeologist because of, you guessed it, Time Team but then I realised I’d have to stand in muddy fields in the rain sometimes and that didn’t really appeal. Ultimately I just want to be happy & I'm still sort of hoping to just fall into some kind of career.
I’m sure I started writing this with an ending in mind, something to make all of this make sense. But I don’t have an ending and it doesn’t make sense. I think this is my (very) long-winded way of realising that I want Sailboat to be something more; more about me, my life, what I was thinking so in 6 months or a years time I can read back and remember what I was like. Beauty & make up will still be a massive part of this, think of it as expanding into fashion, photography, cinema and everything in between. This is what Sailboat started off as being, after all, Sailboat isn’t an obvious name for an entirely beauty based blog. I hope this is something exciting & I hope my little piece of the Internet will become more interesting. There are many beauty & fashion bloggers that are incredible at what they do & I wish my posts could be that interesting, but there’s just that little something missing from mine.
Honestly if you’ve read this far I’m impressed, and mildly shocked. If you did, thank you! And if you didn’t or skimmed through, thank you anyway; I understand because that would have been 10 minutes of your life you couldn’t get back. Upcoming posts include some reviews; Alva, Neal’s Yard & Naked, some summer fashion & if there’s anything you’d specifically like to see, I’m open to suggestions!
At the time of writing this I have 444 followers, which is 444 more than I ever expected to get, so I’d just like to take the time to thank you all. There are no words to describe just how grateful I am that you take the time to comment or even just read my posts. Thank you so so much & I hope you stick with me. ♥