Monday, 5 July 2010

Identity Crisis?

I think I’m having a blog identity crisis or perhaps I’m just having an identity crisis myself in general. Do you ever have times where you don’t feel like yourself? Or feel that you used to be someone else entirely and have somehow morphed into a person you no longer recognise? Deciding to leave my photographic education behind was, in hindsight, a much bigger decision to make than I recognised it to be at the time because I think that's a big part of who I was/am/want to be.

Sailboat has sort of fallen into the beauty blog category entirely by accident, I’m in no way saying this is a bad thing, but it wasn’t my intention. My very first, very timid short post, started things off on a very vague and unsure footing. I’d been reading blogs for months who had many hundreds of followers and I admit that at first I craved that. I had that feeling of being the new kid at school; wanting to blend in & make friends. Has that shaped the posts I make?  I don’t know, not really. I suppose if you start a blog on those premises it won’t be long before writing posts becomes a chore rather than something enjoyable. That hasn’t happened to me, I’m just wanting something a little extra. Everything has to have it's own unique selling point & I'd like to discover mine.

I adore make up & beauty, that’s a given, but there are also so many more things I love as much, if not more. Despite leaving my photography degree I still adore photographs and everything about photography. For someone so passionate about it I’m almost ashamed to admit that the only photographs I’ve taken over the past six months have been for my blog. Granted I do put a fair bit of effort into those photographs and I think they are appreciated by those who read my posts, but I used to photograph everything, sometimes for a concept and sometimes just because.

All my cameras are just sitting there in a box in a corner of my bedroom getting no love. The other day, for a split second, I thought about selling them and then I came back to reality. This isn’t something I should quit just like that. If anything it’ll give me an outlet for all my pretentiousness rather than emptying it all out into a blog post like this. Throughout my years at art school I’ve met more than my fair share of overly pretentious people and I think a bit of it’s rubbed off on me, oops. Filling pages upon pages of complete and utter nonsensical tosh was encouraged and more often than not counted for more of your grade than the photographs you took. This was something I never quite fully understood but I did discover a skill for writing said nonsensical tosh and secretly I think I’m better at that than I am at taking photographs.
Almost deserted.
A couple of days ago I plucked up the courage to send off my Open University application. It’s something I’ve been putting off for a while and to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why. I’m fairly decided upon studying towards a BA (Hons) English Language and Literature degree and I’ve even picked out the individual modules I’d like to take. Perhaps the apprehension is due to a change of direction; the dreaded “eek things are changing” feelings. I’ve never been ambitious or particularly career minded. When I was 7 I wanted to be a chocolatier because I’d just seen Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. When I was 10 I wanted to be a vet because me and my mum used to watch Animal Hospital with Rolf Harris, but then I realised that the animals might not make it and I’d be really upset. When I was 14 I wanted to be an archaeologist because of, you guessed it, Time Team but then I realised I’d have to stand in muddy fields in the rain sometimes and that didn’t really appeal. Ultimately I just want to be happy & I'm still sort of hoping to just fall into some kind of career.
me
I’m sure I started writing this with an ending in mind, something to make all of this make sense. But I don’t have an ending and it doesn’t make sense. I think this is my (very) long-winded way of realising that I want Sailboat to be something more; more about me, my life, what I was thinking so in 6 months or a years time I can read back and remember what I was like. Beauty & make up will still be a massive part of this, think of it as expanding into fashion, photography, cinema and everything in between. This is what Sailboat started off as being, after all, Sailboat isn’t an obvious name for an entirely beauty based blog. I hope this is something exciting & I hope my little piece of the Internet will become more interesting. There are many beauty & fashion bloggers that are incredible at what they do & I wish my posts could be that interesting, but there’s just that little something missing from mine.

Honestly if you’ve read this far I’m impressed, and mildly shocked. If you did, thank you! And if you didn’t or skimmed through, thank you anyway; I understand because that would have been 10 minutes of your life you couldn’t get back. Upcoming posts include some reviews; Alva, Neal’s Yard & Naked, some summer fashion & if there’s anything you’d specifically like to see, I’m open to suggestions!

At the time of writing this I have 444 followers, which is 444 more than I ever expected to get, so I’d just like to take the time to thank you all. There are no words to describe just how grateful I am that you take the time to comment or even just read my posts. Thank you so so much & I hope you stick with me. ♥

xoxo

27 comments:

  1. I enjoy reading your blog, whether it's photography, fashion, beauty etc. I love your photography, it adds an extra something to your posts. I hope you get accepted for your Open University degree :) Looking forward to your future posts xx

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  2. you've been quite distant lately and i miss you more than words can say.
    i must say i'm pleased your deciding to expand sailboat into all the things you love, i dare say it'll end up a big hit.
    your so lovely jen, you'll find yourself again soon.
    i love you lots xxxxx

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  3. I'm feeling a bit lost too, I've just finished my degree and have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. My blog, however, is perfectly happy sitting on the interweb waiting for me to review something. I hope you find yourself & I look forward to reading about you doing so!

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  4. I think it's really brave of you to realise you need to change a few things. Good luck with it all x

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  5. i know exactly what you mean. i think including different types of posts is a good idea (:, good luck with everything!,X

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  6. Im taking English Literature and Language starting in September too.

    Good Luck. xx

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  7. I'm definitely sticking with you, I read the whole thing and I don't want my ten minutes back, don't be silly!
    You might be surprised to know that I know some of what you feel, I'm an ex photography student too and I don't know how or how but something in me has always felt a bit 'empty' for want of a less dramatic word - you know what I mean? I have no idea where my life is going, in the last year I've only spent about 6-8 weeks employed.
    But yeah, I'm not going anywhere and can't wait to see what you do next :) good luck with your OU degree, and you know where to find me if you ever want a chat.
    xo

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  8. I sometimes feel exactly the same, in that I forget who I am, realise that I'm not being honestly myself or just realise that I'm not getting out of life what I want or expect. I think everyone goes through this and I really enjoyed reading this post as it makes me realise that somehow, everyone feels the same, at least once, we are all humans after all!

    I definitley think you should keep up photography. I'm in the middle of my Photog degree at the moment and I get so involved in trying to take 'conceptual' photographs for my course, that I forget just to take pictures of pretty things that I find aesthetically pleasing. I'm really looking forward to reading some of your new posts!

    Katie XXX

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  9. I've always found your blog enchanting. And your writing has always been so creative and exciting to read.
    Be yourself and write about what you love and what inspires you the most. :)xx

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  10. @Kim - Thank you!
    @Tennille - What with one thing and another I've barely had any time on the internet lately. Hopefully I'll be around more soon. I've got your goodies sitting in a box in my room, I'll be posting them very soon.
    @Rosie - Thank you! I hope your degree helps you to find your perfect career!
    @Lauren - Thank you!
    @Holly - Thank you :)
    @Laura Jaye - Ooh exciting! Good luck with everything!
    @Leanne - Thank you so much. I really hope that you find a job soon that you really love, you so deserve that! I think it's one of those situations where you have to take each day as it comes. You know where I am too :)
    @Katie - Absolutely, I think this is one of those things that everyone feels at some point, it's human nature. Thank you! I love your photographs, concepts are hard work, but usually bring out the best images. You'll go far for sure!

    xoxo

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  11. @Alice - Thank you :) That's good advice, I will do!

    xoxo

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  12. your blog is lovely! so organized and easy to follow :)

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  13. Your blog is whatever you want it to be my lovely.
    Don't worry about it falling into a particular category. Your blog is a true reflection on you, your soul and passions.
    I adore your blogs, and avidly follow and read it because it offers something different. I adore your photos, you clearly have a skill there lady and it is a beautiful read.
    Best of luck with your OU. Great for you for deciding on following your heart and doing something that brings you enjoyment.
    I'm sticking with Sailboat :) xx

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  14. I agree with most people hunny, your blog is amazing- but that is down to you. Your writing is lovely, the reviews you do. But your reviews could be on books, or songs & it would still be your blog. Let your self blog about what you want, it is YOUR blog after all.
    I'm training to be a vet nurse, seems to be taking for ever- and honestly I dont know if its what I want to do! But I do love my job, hmmmm, life is silly some times!
    I love your photos too hunny, so you could just post them & keep me happy
    xxxx

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  15. I totally know where you're coming from when you say you're having a blog identity crisis :/
    Your blog is honestly one of my favorites, and whatever direction you go, i'll be sure to follow - & i'm positive everyone else will too :)
    I wish you the best of luck in finding what you want to do career-wise & such, that's gotta be really frustrating & stressful :(
    If you ever need to chat or anything, just email me! :)
    xx

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  16. @Peppermint tea - Thank you! :)
    @Milly - Thank you lovely, that really means a lot!
    @Steph - Aww thank you! I really admire you training to be a vet nurse, I read into it once and I can't imagine how much work it must be! I'm glad you found something you love, as long as you do love it then stick with it. I'm sure you're fab at it!
    @Laura - Thank you so much lovely!

    xoxo

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  17. Sweetie, this is your blog, and Sailboat can and should be whatever you want it to be :)

    I'll be sticking with you, and rooting for you every step of the way, good luck with your OU application and everything :)

    xxx

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  18. i totally agree with you. But whatever you post, i always look forward to reading it! :) x

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  19. I'm so proud of you applying for OU - as I said we can be english geeks together :D! While I used to believe in fate and if things are meant to be they will happen, I'm beginning to think that you need to take charge and make decisions in order to find your way so I'm glad you're taking charge little lady! As for your blog, I wouldn't stress, we all love you for you and I'd love to read about your other loves (especially your beautiful photographs) <3

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  20. I completely understand how you are feeling about the whole life and career thing. I was driven at some point in my life and thought I had a whole plan, but that totally crumbled when I realised that my expectations were unrealistic and that it was unlikely I would every reach my dream without having to change the person I am. Which I'm not willing to do. My little blog was what came from this realisation, its as close as I could truly get to the fashion world, whilst keeping true to myself.
    This is your blog, you treat it as you wish. I loved alot of your earlier photography based posts. You have a really talent, keep with it (if you want to) I have actually not read as much since you became a more beauty related blog as it is less my thing, but if you intend to expand to other subjects you may find me coming back a bit more! Good luck with your course and I hope you manage to straighten out your thoughts and your blog soon!

    Daisy Dayz Home

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  21. Hi lovely, just wanted to say that my absolute favourite blogs are ones like you describe, with a little bit of everything and I'm sure you will do a fab job of expanding your range of topics. I will continue to keep reading, as always, just keep enjoying the blogging and best of luck on the BA! xxx

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  22. You have an amazing blog, and I hope whatever direction you choose to take it in makes you smile! I love seeing your pretty photographs and look forward to seeing more!

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  23. @Laura - ♥ :)
    @Lizzy - Thank you!
    @Nic - Aww thank you lovely, we will indeed be english geeks together hehe!
    @Chantel - Don't give up. I still like to believe that anything is possible if you believe in it enough. Where there's a will, there's a way.
    @Lucy - Thank you!
    @Ladybug - Thank you so much, that means a lot!

    xoxo

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  24. This is a wonderful post. I'm a HUGE supporter of OU courses and think it's brilliant that you're doing something so positive. And your blog continues to be one of my favourites - always wonderfully photographed, beautifully written and so interesting. Keep doing what feels right - it's working. xx

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  25. @Jen - I figured since a brick university wasn't for me and isn't really an option now because I don't have the right qualifications for the courses I'm interested in, I'd give the OU a go. I've heard so many positive things about it and would absolutely love to have a degree, fingers crossed I qualify for some financial help otherwise I won't be able to afford it.

    And thank you so much, that really does mean a lot coming from you!

    xoxo

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  26. Slightly late but just thought I'd say I love this post and am excited to read your blog, whichever direction you choose to go in :)

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  27. your blog is really quite stunning - i love the mixture of personal and beauty mixed with the wonderful photos x

    Hannah x
    http://excitedandinspired.blogspot.com/

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