Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in thinking about the number of people subscribed to your blog through whatever platform or the amount of hits you get per month and wondering why you don’t get as many view or comments as X does. I don’t get hundreds of thousands of hits per month and therefore I don’t get invited to events or receive multiple parcels of free products every week and you know what? That’s okay! I didn’t start this thinking that’s what would happen and I certainly didn’t expect to ever receive anything for free so why does it matter now? Does it matter because other people get those things as a result of their blogs? Maybe, but why am I letting it matter? I wouldn’t jump off a cliff if it suddenly became the ‘in’ thing to do. I have seen some wonderful blogs suddenly transform into posting press release after press release and lose all of their personality. I don’t want that to happen to Sailboat, ever. I want this little piece of the internet to reflect me. Perhaps not every single part of me, because we all deserve to keep some things back for ourselves and our loved ones but I think I’ve been losing me recently. I don’t know where she’s gone but something just isn’t the same here as it was six months ago. I’ll have to work on that.
Even though I choose to put my life on the internet, it doesn’t mean that anyone has earned the right to know everything about me. I’ve had comments/emails asking me where I live, to the point of wanting to know the street name and number, my birthday and my phone number then getting nasty when I wouldn’t divulge that information. I’m sorry, shall I write down my bank account details while I’m at it? No. That’s not right. There is a distinct line between online and real life, it’s sometimes so difficult getting that balance right in my posts but I hope that I give enough while keeping some things back for myself. Maybe I need to work on that too?
The catty comments, the being nice to someone and then promptly having a bitch with your mates about that someone, taking constructive criticism too far and stepping over the line into just being down right rude are all things I feel the need to take a step away from. Of course these are all natural things, they occur anywhere and it’s only a tiny minority of people who do it but I just can’t cope with it. Anyone can say anything they want, if they want to be rude to me or simply not like me, then that’s okay. I can take that. I’m a strong enough person now to brush it off and that’s something I’ve learned from receiving horrible comments through blogger in the past. Life lesson learned, just ignore it. When I see horrible comments directed to someone else who I know doesn’t deserve it, that’s when I especially dislike negativity. If someone has some happy news it’s all ‘happy happy congratulations yay’ to their faces and then ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, stupid, boo’ behind their backs. That really sucks. It really sucks. It’s natural to feel the odd pang of jealousy, I can get SO jealous at times – it’s the part of my personality I dislike the most, but you can feel happy for someone at the same time.
Honestly, I don’t know what I’m trying to say other than I’m sorry that I’m not perfect. I’m sorry that I don’t reply to every comment I receive and I’m sorry that I’m not there to reply to emails as soon as they pop into my inbox. I’m sorry that I miss posts sometimes. But I’m just one person. I’m not a robot. If I don’t want to post then I won’t post. I didn’t realise I had some kind of unwritten schedule that I had to follow.
This wasn’t intended as a woe is me type post. If anything I wanted to point out how rubbish I have been focusing on the things I’m not supposed to and ignoring all the good. Honestly, starting Sailboat is one of the best things I’ve ever done. I can say that truthfully now that I’m not letting anything get to me. There are things I need to try harder with, I know that. And I will. Pinky promise.
To everyone that reads my posts, writes me comments, tweets or emails– thank you! You’ve all taught me so much about life and about myself. Thank you for letting me into your lives and thank you for giving me so much in return. I appreciate it more than you can ever imagine, even if I’m not always the best at showing it.
Thank you & I’m sorry I’m not perfect.
I'll see you soon.
P.S. Thank you so much for all your comments wishing Ralphie a Happy Birthday! I love you guys & so does Ralphie!