♥ Why is the key to my essay writing productivity gin and episodes of Midsomer Murders*? I'm sure I will get the worst grade ever but 1,500 words in 2 hours is pretty impressive, right?
♥ Speaking of essays. Why can I write a thousand word blog post in half an hour but a 2000 word essay takes FOREVER, a billion braincells and 7 hours of me panicking about not knowing what to write?
♥ Why doesn't my toaster have any other setting than burnt-to-a-crisp?
♥ Why can't I make small talk successfully like everyone else? Why do I instead manage to make a complete tit/wally/fool out of myself. every. bloody. time.
♥ Why does little Ralphie still look at me so lovingly when I'm wearing sweats & my hair on the top of my head is looking very much like a wonky pineapple? Is it because I know where the treats are? I think it's because I know where the treats are.
*For those unaware of Midsomer Murders. It's a bloody awful yet utterly amazing TV murder mystery show set in the fictional village of Midsomer that's SO predictable I could tell you who the murderer is within 10 minutes of it starting. That's not to mention with the amount of murders in Midsomer, I'm sure the entire village population would have been wiped out by series 2 at least.