H O M E .      A B O U T .      C O N T A C T .      T U M B L R .      T H E   B O O K   J O U R N A L .      sailorjennie [at] gmail [dot] com

Monday, 8 April 2013

Not everyone is going to like you and that's okay!

When I was a teenager I thought that by twenty three I'd have things figured out, you know? Settled in a career or at least on a solid path to, well...somewhere! I also thought that the key to being happy in life was to be settled and lets face it, 23 when you're a teenager feel SO old. What I didn't know, well, there were many things I didn't know, but one is that 23 is certainly not old and another is that sometimes being totally settled is a little claustrophobic. And as it turns out I'm not a 9-5 career kind of person, now I just need to figure out what I really want to do - I'm still working on that one.

I've spent far too long in the past holding back on doing things incase they don't work out or incase people think it's a silly idea and now I see how completely ridiculous that is. If I had a penny for every time I've held back sharing something, because of what someone might say or think, I'd be a very rich woman indeed. I felt this constant feeling of wanting to be liked by everyone, even if that meant not saying what I truly felt. 

But it's so refreshing to learn that not everyone is going to like you and that's okay!
 
It's one of those life lessons that is both useful and comforting. Unfortunately, sometimes when people don't like you, instead of doing the normal thing and just ignoring you, they say mean things about you. At first this actually really hurts, especially if, like me, you're super emotional anyway, but you learn to move on, your skin gets a little bit thicker and you stop caring because, well, you feel a bit of pity for the meanies. Sure, there are people I don't get along with, it's part of life, but instead of obsessively stalking all possible social media sites just waiting for a picture to pop up that's been taken from a less than flattering angle or for them to say something, anything, no matter how small or silly that can be blown out of all proportion, I just...move on. And if everyone  did that, the Internet would be a much nicer place and I imagine the meanies would begin to feel a lot more content with their own lives rather than festering in a bubble of negativity. That can't possibly be fun or fulfilling.

Sure, sometimes it's so easy, especially if you're having a bad day yourself, to see an unflattering photograph or whatever and think 'ooh..' but instead of focusing on that negative thing, why not switch it around and instead think 'oh that hair style is super pretty' or 'that colour is really flattering'. I imagine most of us have had a couple of non-constructive comments at some point, I had a couple about my weight a few months back and it didn't bother me so much in terms of what they said because, honestly, it was all true. What bothered me is that not for one second did they ever think about potential reasons why perhaps I was a bit chubbier than usual before negativity came pouring out. And you know, even if I had been indulging on one too many pizzas, so what! I have some incredibly supportive people around me, but some people aren't so lucky.

Sometimes things go so much deeper than they appear to be on the surface.  
Sometimes you just need to talk about things without going into all the details because they're just a bit too raw or too close to your heart at that moment in time to put out there on the Internet for all to see. Sometimes you just need someone there to say that it'll be alright in a little while rather than 'haha omgzzz you look horrendous lololol!' because you know, there's more to life than looking your best all the time. I feel it's important to say that I'm not confusing constructive criticism with hate here. There is so much difference between saying 'you're so fat, you shouldn't be wearing that you look disgusting' and 'I think a little waist belt would look really nice with your outfit'. Constructive criticism is so helpful, it's how we all progress and grow because none of us have all the answers so sharing the knowledge and opinions we have in a positive way will always be beneficial.
All I can say to anyone who has had mean things said about them is, please always hold your head up high! Don't let it get to you and don't let it put you off sharing the things you want to. I've never been more sure that its so important to be yourself, even if that means standing out from the crowd a little bit. When you're true to yourself everything feels so much brighter and positive. We all have bad days where things get on top of us, but you really can't fight a negative with another negative.

Always look for the positives, they're always there somewhere - I promise!

xoxo

71 comments:

  1. this post is my favourite of yours so far - it's always difficult for me to like what I see in the mirror. I'm also currently finding it really difficult to choose between doing a university course I love (art) or a more academic one which will (hopefully) get me a job straight away. This post was brilliant for helping me mull things over.

    sorry for the absolutely huge comment, have a lovely rest-of-the-day, and thankyou! :-)

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    1. Thank you so much for leaving such a lovely comment! I hope you manage to come to a decision soon, I completely understand how tricky that is, I was in exactly the same position! Whatever you decide will be right for you! <3

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    2. did not see this reply at all, thankyou so much! still struggling but i'm sure i'll decide soon enough :-) xxx

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    3. I'm sure you will! <3 xoxox

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  2. I loved this post Jennie! Being yourself and not letting others get you down is truly a life lesson that one way or another you get to experience. I've learned it the hard way but I'm glad I did so :)

    xx

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    1. It's one of those really useful things to learn as you get older. Some life lessons are just annoying, but I can appreciate this one for sure! xo

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  3. I'm guilty of holding myself back because I'm scared of what people would think but recently I've started pushing myself more. Lifes too short too worry about how others view you - you cant please everyone. Brilliant post Jennie xx

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    1. It really is, you have to do what makes you happy and if things don't work out, you won't look back and think ahh I wish I'd done that, you can say you tried and sometimes that's the most important thing! xo

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  4. Well I like you, LOTS so there. You are a wonderful wonderful person and I loved this post xxx

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    1. N'awww! Thank you so much Laura! <3

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  5. Jennie, you're honestly such a sweet person! I can't imagine anyone not liking you as you honestly seem so genuine and a little vulnerable (but in a massively endearing way!). I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again now, your photography is beautiful. It is so evocative and interesting to look at - I think you're awesome! xxx

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    1. Awww, shucks, thanks so much Carly! <3 <3

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  6. This is a great post! You seem like such a sweet person! My Blog

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  7. I'm 23 & I've only just about worked out what I want to do with my life, but I agree, I always thought by the time I was 21 I'd be working in amazing job & settled in my life as well as myself, but in a way I'm glad it's taken me longer as now I am sure of what I want x

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  8. Your posts always mirror with a lot of what I feel and I love reading them Jennie. I'm just embarking on a new career path and it's really scary..especially when I thought the same as you. But at 23, things are still unsettled, but maybe this is how it's meant to be these days. Some people take longer than others and maybe we're both that sort of person. Happiness is the key I think. xx

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    1. I think you're absolutely right! xo

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  9. xthis is so true! I'm always worried about what people think or that people will laugh when I say something but to be honest, WHO CARES!

    alicekatex.blogspot.com

    xxx

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  10. This is such an inspirational post and one that I'm sure so many of us can relate to. Xx

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  11. Heck, I'm old enough to be your mother, and I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up :) People always criticise - I had it when I was a working mum, I had it when I was a stay-at-home mum, I still get it for being a mixture of the two :) But I try to stay true to myself and what's important to ME - most people don't know what's going on beneath the surface.

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    1. That's the most important thing! xo

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  12. yet another great post, you're so sweet really. if only we met one day i'd give you a big hug and we'd be friends (in a non creepy way hahhaha). i definitely feel the same way sometimes. i thought everything would be settled in my 20s but it really isnt quite yet, and i'm just heading back to school now so the whole "people liking you" thing is definitely a good reminder since i'm about to walk into a classroom full of strangers this week (talk about good timing in reading this post!!!). so thanks for writing this here it definitely felt comforting reading through it :)

    rachel x
    blushandbrunch.com

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    1. haha aww yay! Thank you for leaving such a lovely comment, good luck with school - you'll do great! <3 xo

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  13. I loved this post Jennie! Your timing could not have been better, I can definitely relate to the thinking you'd all have it figured out by now! Xx

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  14. This is amazing Jennie! I am the same, I think we all are. I am so over emotional that the littlest things upset me, and play on my mind for so long after and I wish I wasn't so sensitive and upset easily but that's the way I am. xxx

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    1. I think that as long as you let them go eventually, it's okay! :) xo

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  15. This is a brilliant post beautiful. Chin up! xxx

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  16. It's so true - it's so liberating to reach the point in your life where you go "you know what? screw everyone else, this is who I am". People who are worth having around will stick around no matter what x

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  17. lovely motivating post

    http://thelittlebigobsession.blogspot.co.uk

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  18. You are officially most wonderful blogger in the world. Everything you wrote is so true and helpful because I'm at the point in my life where I feel really lost and I'm so scared of making wrong decisions. It is relieving to see someone out there is fighting it too but also getting feedback and seeing I can actally make it. I thought people who are 18, like me now, are full grown ups with plans and these amazing, crazy lives but now I see it's not really like that and to be honest it freaked me out. Thank you Jennie for making me feel better (as you always do) :)x

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    1. Aww! Don't be scared, what ever you decide will be right for you in that moment! <3

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  19. I'm 28 and you're idea of what age is considered old gets higher as you get older haha. I still don't have things figured out and sometimes still feel like I'm finding my place, especially making the decision to start over in a different country. I also used to get really upset if people didn't like me because I've always tried to be nice to everyone, but have learned that there's just no pleasing some people, and you just have to let the negativity slide off you to try and maintain a positive life. So very well said!

    http://www.chicadeedee.com

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    1. Thank you! Aww I'm sure I'll be 80 and thinking that it's not old! xo

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  20. I love this post! :) Its lovely and gets to the point and everything that was was something I could relate to! :)

    Pipp xx
    http://pippjones281190.blogspot.co.uk

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  21. So beautifully written and oh so topical. I wish I could squeeze (in a good way) every blogger who's ever received a mean comment. As I said on a similar blog post, people throw rocks at things like shine! I'm a firm believer in 'if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all'. I also think it's important to compliment and support other bloggers, we're all in this together.

    Tara
    www.thestylerawr.com
    xoxo

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  22. Thank you for this post, it's good to be reminded even though it's something I should know. I struggle SO much with my self-confidence when it comes to my size and shape, that when I get a negative comment about my looks it can cause me to cruble almost instantly. I know that I shouldn't let it but honestly, it's so hard.
    But you're right - let it make you stronger and keep your chin up! x x x

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    1. You really shouldn't be self conscious because you're completely lovely, I know it's hard though! <3

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  23. This is a lovely post, Jennie. I hope you're okay!
    You can't please everyone, I find it's generally best to please yourself and let everyone else get on with it :)
    Gorgeous photos, too - I love that first one!!

    Jesss xo

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  24. I like you and your posts a lot, and I hope that you feel the 'love' from your followers. I took a break from the Internet, blogging and some people for similar reasons.

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  25. Can't believe the way some people think they can act just because it's online.
    Hope you're ok!
    Daniella x

    http://daniella-r.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. I'm completely fine, more general musings etc!

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  26. I have learned my lesson after long time and now having a wonderful life. This post of yours is Amazing...

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  27. Jennie, this is such a beautiful post. You are so right - you cannot fight a negative with a negative. And as for figuring it out, I don't think any of us really figure it out; (I've mentioned this very thing on my blog recently) maybe we give the impression to others that we have it 'all figured out' because we want to fit in and we think everyone else has it all figured it out already but I think it's just an illusion. Plus our needs and desires change over time and there is nothing wrong with that. You are a beautiful soul Miss Jennie May and your photography is unique; there is such depth of spirit to it, that I wouldn't be surprised if you become a very in demand photographer x

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    1. I think figuring it all out is overrated! Aww gosh, thank you <3

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  28. Jennie, you are great person who inspires people. You have big heart and I know it's hard, but you really should start to think positive. Life is too short for negative <3
    http://coeursdefoxes.blogspot.com/

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    1. I completely agree, this whole post was about being positive!

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  29. I am so glad that I drop by your blog and read this post.
    I needed something like this.
    Thank you Jennie!

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  30. I love this post :) you're so positive. I wish I could be like that. I'm only 20 but I feel like I'm never going to have any real friends. Every time I think I found some nice friends, something changes or somebody changes their opinion and doesn't like me anymore. The bullying and the mean comments are so hurtful.

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    1. You will find your place with people who deserve your time, I promise! <3

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  31. I wish EVERYONE on the Internet would read this post. Especially the ones that love to write horrible things that they wouldn't even dare say to strangers in real life. I'm still at the point where I'm holding myself back because I'm afraid of making a fool of myself or of people seeing me try something that doesn't work out. I hope to grow out of that sillyness soon.
    xx Coco

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    1. It definitely takes time, I wouldn't have shared half of the things I do now a few years ago! <3

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  32. Such a great post! I'm 30 still not sure what I want to do :)

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  33. I've never been a 9-5 girl either. So I joined the RAF. Haven't had a boring day since. Great post, Jennie. A lot of people could do with reading it!

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  34. I love this post Jennie, I love how you have the ability to connect with you readers and write true, meaningful content which we can all relate to :) xo

    Hannah, Glitter And Sparkle

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