H O M E .      A B O U T .      C O N T A C T .      T U M B L R .      T H E   B O O K   J O U R N A L .      sailorjennie [at] gmail [dot] com

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

A collection of thoughts: change, silly little things & daring to dream.

It's funny how plans can change, how much we can change in a short space of time. This growing up lark is confusing, amazing, odd and a little scary all at the same time. It teaches you to be brave, to be patient, understanding and to take some chances.

I remember being younger, in my teens, and having a plan. I wanted the high-flying career despite never knowing exactly what I wanted to do, to get married, to adopt a puppy and exactly one year later, have a baby. I wanted the beautiful house with 2 bathrooms and enough room for a dining table in the kitchen. And them something happens, so unexpected. That hurts so much at the time but eventually heals. Things start to feel easier, you begin to feel happy again, but ultimately it changes your whole perspective on the best way to live. It's exactly then that nothing else matters other than being happy.

I sometimes forget that other people get nervous about silly everyday things too. That inner monologue has a lot to answer for, but it gets easier. My heart used to race having to describe which salad bits I wanted in my subway sandwich. I couldn't begin to tell you why and you know what, when I'm in a particularly introverted mood, it still does make my heart race. But that's okay, as long as I force myself to just do it because in all likelihood it'll be easier the next time.

I've felt a real shift within myself over the last couple of months. I've taken a leaf out of Luna Lovegood's book and I've reached the point where I'm so content within myself, that I honestly, truthfully don't care what anyone else thinks of me/my choices/the way I look/whether I've gained a few pounds/whether that decision I made 6 months ago turned out to be the wrong one and I should have taken their advice instead. Making a conscious effort to distance myself from people who were making me unhappy, people that busy themselves with other people's business, judging them, gossiping behind their back and being their best friend to their face has been one of the best things I've ever done. It must all be so time consuming, I have no idea how they manage to get any of their own things done when they're too busy passing judgement on others. Snore. They can't pretend forever, surely? One day something venomous slips through their facade in the end. I'm trying to be more forgiving with this, maybe they're just having a bad day, a bad week, a bad year? I'm not sure it's an excuse though.

Nobody stays the same, we all have those years where nothing much changes but we also have those years where we learn so much more about ourselves, about what we want from life, about who we can trust and who we can't, who we want to be around and who we don't. I feel different because I am different. And being different to the person I was isn't a bad thing and if you feel different too, don't ever let anyone tell you that changing is a bad thing. I never wanted to be 19 forever, I never had any intention of being 19 forever.

There was an interesting #lbloggers discussion earlier in the week about whether blogs should be positive all the time & I don't think they have to be but it depends on what the individual feels comfortable sharing. I read blogs written by people I can relate to and sometimes those people feel sad. We all feel sad sometimes and if you feel comfortable sharing your feelings then it can be the most freeing thing in the world to talk them through. We're not all lucky enough to have close friends near by who we can talk things through with. I've had some incredible advice from people from all different walks of life, whom I never would have had the chance to talk to outside of the bloggersphere. They have helped me shape certain parts of my life so perfectly, simply by offering their thoughts and by just being there, at the end of an email.

My blog started off as a beauty blog, but now my main goal is to always be relateable. I tend to be fairly open with my feelings but I keep the details to myself. I don't think you need to explain the ins and outs of every situation if you don't want to. Always be careful with what you put out there, some things need protecting and often once they're out there, you can't take them back.

Right now, in this very moment, I'm content. I'm making goals and daring to dream because one day my dreams might come true.

And maybe yours will too. I hope they will.
I always want the best for you.
xoxo

47 comments:

  1. Jennie, this was beautifully written as always! Making plans never seems to work out - you never know what's coming your way and some things happen that you can't do anything about, as depressing as it is. Thanks for writing this x

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  2. i love reading these posts of yours. this point you're at now, it takes a long time and a lot of conscious effort to get there - at least it did for me. and things will continue to sway you or make you feel weak sometimes, but living for yourself and for your own dreams and goals is the most important thing. i've learnt that the hard way, but i'm glad that i did, and i hope you can hold onto this feeling. xx

    Miho @ Wander to Wonder

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    1. Thank you sweet. It's a good point to be at I think, there's always more to learn though! ox

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  3. So beautifully written and something I can absolutely relate to. I did a law degree but decided halfway through I didn't want a career in Law. I've literally just completed my Masters but I'm still no closer to an actual future and that is so difficult to get my head around sometimes. Plus I'm still doing the long distance thing and it's really draining in all directions that my life hasn't quite come together how I anticipated!
    I do love how positive you are and I hope I can try and get into that positive mindset very soon and start trying to make things happen. xx

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    1. Huge congratulations on completing your Masters, that's such an achievement, you must be super proud of yourself! I have no doubt that things will start to come together for you really soon, probably when you least expect it! xo

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  4. I love this post so much :) xx

    http://lologlitter.blogspot.com

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  5. Aaw, Jennie! I truly hope all of your dreams do come true - I think you really deserve it. I'm here for you! I love working on our new project together, and I think your ideas will all be beautiful <3 I also love reading this type of blog post, I think it definitely speaks to a lot of people. <3 xxx

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    1. Me too sweet, I'm super excited! xo

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  6. You write so beautifully and relatable indeed! I think it avoidable to come across people that judge and so called friends that don't make you feel so great! You are such a lovely person and mighty talented I hope you dream big, I would love to see that and follow it on ur blog x

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    1. Aww thank you sweet. Dreaming big is SO important! xo

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  7. I can definitely relate! I've started to distance myself from the 'friends' I feel look down on me because I don't have my own house, a steady career and enjoy wine & cheese evenings. I guess I made the decision a few years back that I'd rather own little and see the world, than own the world and see little of it. I'm thankful that I have an amazing family a few fantastic friends. Jade & I have been through tough times but we made the decisions to keep our blog light and fluffy because we like it that way. That being said, I wouldn't want you to change your blog! It's so refreshing to read posts that are honest and thought-provoking. I truly think you're a wonderful person with a kind heart. Us secretly sensitive kids need to stick together.

    Tara xo

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    1. I think you live life the right way! I think you're both wonderful too, you're right, we do! <3

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  8. I love it when you write these posts that come straight from the heart..they are always so honest and relateable that it makes me want to reach through the screen and give you a big hug!!
    One of the biggest hurdles that I have had to overcome this year is also to find that love for myself within...one where I can be happy with exactly what I have and to not worry about what other people think of me. At the end of the day haters gonna hate!!

    xxxxx

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    1. Aww thank you sweet! I think you're doing a very good job of doing that, I love reading your posts because they're always so honest <3

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  9. This is an amazingly written post. I'm happy for you being content. -Hanna Lei

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  10. Such a lovely post, I hope your dreams to come true and I'm sure they will! I can definitely relate to a lot you have said (especially with the heart racing over little things like in subway), I think you have a really good way with words that makes people easily relate to the things you have said :)

    http://laurenslittleblogs.blogspot.co.uk/
    xx

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    1. Thank you, it's nice to know I'm not alone in worrying about silly little things sometimes! <3

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  11. A truly beautiful piece Jennie. I'm about to return to uni for my second year and, I realised over the summer, have rented a house to live in with a few people that I do like but also many that are just like the people you describe above in character, just because I knew them and felt I should live with them. Rather than being funny or clever or interesting they choose to make their way in the world by pushing others down and I have often felt very uncomfortable with their behaviour, but being quite shy and introverted don't want to enter into conflict with them. So next year I am deciding to quietly distance myself from them, while hopefully keeping as much contact with the housemates whose company I do enjoy. Of course I will be civil, life's too short to waste on being unkind. But I don't want that negativity following me round as I embark on the years in which I shape myself and am shaped by others. I want only love and kindness and wisdom and silliness :)

    I always love your insights, you put things so eloquently and are so wise. I hope we both grow and progress along our journeys in regards to being confident and pushing ourselves and I know we will both achieve! xxx

    Bella . BELLAETC

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    1. I think that's the right way to be, being around people like that can be so draining. Like you say, you can still be polite to them but it's important that you spend as much of your time as possible with those who make you happy, who you have things in common with and have fun with! I'm sure we'll both achieve what we want in the end, we'll work hard for it and what's meant to be will be! <3

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  12. I love that post!
    I've been through a lot of 'growing up stuff' lately and making decisions wasn't always easy but I think everybody kind of understands :D

    xx Jenni

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  13. Such a true and inspiring post.

    At 34 I'm pretty happy with my lot as it were but every so often there are the dips and rather than get me down (well for too long anyway!) I have a think about what I can do to make a change.. something I'm in the middle or working out at the moment. It's both scary and exciting but what's the worst that can happen!

    Victoria

    FlorenceandMary.com

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    1. Change is so important sometimes, definitely scary but worth it in the end I think! xo

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  14. Hi Jennie, love this post, just wanted to say, from a (slightly!) older persons perspective, it does get easier and better and those types of people just don't bother you as much, they seem to fade into the background which can only be a good thing!
    Sophie x

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    1. Thank you, Sophie! That's good to hear <3

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  15. put so eloquently, I can absolutely relate at the moment. nice to feel you're not alone sometimes x

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  16. This post is really inspirational. I really like that you want to be relatable, because that's what makes me love reading your blog so much ( I get nervous too when I need to do the salad bits...). You're real and sometimes you're sad and that's totally okay. I love the way you write and I feel like I really know you. Jennie, you're truly a great person.

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    1. I'm glad to know I'm not alone with the salad part, it's seems like such a silly thing but it's just how we are I think! Thank you lovely lady, you're too kind <3 xo

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  17. Beautiful post as always! I'm really struggling to become more confident. I can't even go to the shop by myself or order something without getting really nervous. It's awful but it helps me to know there are some people who go through it too :)x

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    1. You'll get there sweet, I promise! You're definitely not alone! <3 xo

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  18. This is such a beautiful post! I'm so glad you're feeling more confident in yourself and who you are. Gorgeous photos too xx
    www.LauraHaven.com

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  19. This is a beautiful post Jennie, and I for one love blog posts that are a bit more chatty, open and thoughtful. I'm so glad that you are in a place where you feel content with yourself. I think that's a goal for so many people, and it's just wonderful you feel great right now. Personally, I'm still in a place where I'm not content, but I'm working on that, with the support of my mum and Jonathan. So hopefully I'll get there. Thanks for writing posts like this to remind me of that :) xxx

    LittleGlitter.org

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    1. You will absolutely get there, you have some really wonderful people around you <3 xo

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  20. I loved reading this. It's so beautifully written and I really needed to read something like this today. I agree with everything you wrote :)

    sparklewithlaughter.blogspot.com

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  21. That's a great post, and so well written. I myself was in the same situation and and just recently starting to feel happy and good about things again. I had to make that decision to cut my losses with people who were making me so unhappy. Indeed, you would wonder where they got the time to make people feel unhappy. I can totally relate to this.

    Stay wonderful.

    <3 x

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    1. Thank you lovely! I'm glad you're feeling happy too <3

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  22. Thanks for this post! I agree with everything you said and think most people can really relate to this, including myself! You need people who pull you up, not drag you down and when you've found those kinds of people, Things will get better and good things will follow for sure.

    Shaniqua x

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  23. A really lovely, well written post. Life never turns out how you want it to no matter how much you plan it or think on it and sometimes you really do have to let go and let life lead you a little.
    All the very best :) xx

    Allyteepee

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  24. Jennie you always write so eloquently. I always feel so much passion and depth in your blog posts. Sitting down with my cup of tea and reading your posts is like having a heartfelt discussion with a good friend :) x

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Thank you so much for reading! I love when you leave your thoughts so I would love if you left me a little comment, I read every single one, they mean so much and I try my very best to reply to each one!

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