I don't know if it's just me, but when I'm stuck doing something I really don't want to be doing, I like to make a little list of all the things I'd like to be doing instead so I can do them afterwards. These are usually things I would otherwise put off so to keep myself awake yesterday I took the opportunity of a free day to have a good ol' clear out. I envy those that don't have much 'stuff' because I seem to have a lot. Part of me wanted to donate/throw away half of my wardrobe and part with lots of little nick-naks and although I definitely did part with a lot, I still kept things that I probably shouldn't. Those things are all together though and if I don't wear or use them within 6 months, they're going!
It's the point of deciding what I don't need anymore that's the hardest part because I always think 'oh if I part with this now, I bet I'll find that I need it in a week' or 'oh but I might wear this once in the summer this year'. But I never really know if those reasons justify keeping something because if I really need something I can pop out and replace it and even though I might wear a particular pretty dress one day later this year, if I haven't worn in in 2 summers I can't really love it that much, can I? There are certain things I'll hold on to forever like the dress I wore when I first met Mark, even though I'll probably never wear it again I just like having something tangible to represent that memory.
I don't really know where I'm going with this...I suppose I just wish I could be that girl who just has a small wardrobe (i.e. not one that has 15 cardigans sitting inside it - 15!! Surely I don't need all of those?!), a basic make up bag (not 9 acrylic draws full of the stuff!), some cameras, some books and a few sentimental things that will stay with me forever. But I'm the girl with a shelf of products I rarely touch but the just-in-case thought process stops me from whittling them down, 10 pairs of glasses and their accompanying cases (why do they take up so much room?!), a drawer full of tights (I don't know why either!) and more stationery than one person could ever need for University. The worst part is I genuinely believe the things I have are useful...even if I don't use them!
Anyway, that happened yesterday and that's not even what I came here to write about. I actually came here to ramble a little about inspiration and creativity.
I was listening to the radio yesterday and there was an interview with someone (I can't remember who) and they were talking about how happy they were to be doing what they're doing because it's all they've ever wanted. And that got me thinking, what do I want? The short answer is I don't really know I'm just muddling through, but here's the long one...
There are an infinite amount of things I'm not very good at. I'm not good at making small talk all day with lots of different people I don't know so I'm essentially the worst sales assistant ever. And I'm incredibly clumsy so I won't even tell you about my brief spell as a waitress, I'll leave that one to your imagination. I'm still trying to block out the memories...
Even though I truly believe that everyone is good at something, I had been beginning to think I was the only exception to that. I've never been someone who has known what they wanted to do for their whole life. I can't sing, I definitely can't draw and my attempts at learning musical instruments always ended in disaster. Over the years I flirted with so many different career ambitions. I wanted to be a vet until I realised that sometimes the animals wouldn't be okay and I'd probably cry. I loved the idea of being a singer but as I mentioned previously, I'm not gifted in the voice department. Then I wanted to travel the world as an air hostess, until I went on a plane and discovered I'm actually quite scared of flying. The list is almost endless and even though I'm not convinced there is anything I'm particularly good at, there are things that I love.
When I left University for the second time I think I forgot to pack up my need to be creative, to make pictures and films. It got left behind along with my inspiration and I didn't really know how to get them back. I fell into a routine of bad jobs, bad choices and really bad TV shows! Last year I rediscovered the joy of books and this year I'm rekindling my love for music. My bookshelf is looking more beautiful every singe day, the shelves are filled with different worlds & ideas and now I absolutely want to start my own little record collection. I have my eye on the prettiest record player and I've even made a space for it already. Digital downloads are wonderful, but they're not as inspiring to me as having something I can actually hold - and I suppose this is exactly why I have so much 'stuff'!
I guess I just forgot that inspiration, happy thoughts and good things come from immersing myself in all things creative. The secret to feeling inspired myself, is to look at artists I admire and the beautiful work they're creating. And it seems so obvious to me now. But this was a path I needed to follow by myself to finally make it over all the obstacles, even if those obstacles were put there by no one other than myself.
Happy Tuesday, I hope it's a good one!