Thursday, 6 February 2014
This is what I look like today.
This morning I put on one of my favourite playlists, gathered a few make up products together and sat on the floor in front of my mirror because I don't have a real dressing table. Ralphie hopped over to have a little look, nibbled the end of one of my brushes for a little while and hopped away. Apparently make up isn't all that interesting to him. I understood. It's difficult to compete with his affections for salad bowls and carrot sticks after all.
I used to look in the mirror and feel a little...ugh. It wasn't hatred it was more... disappointment that I wasn't conventionally beautiful. I looked at my friends with their flawless skin, perfectly applied make up and how they just seemed to encapsulate and illustrate the word beauty so perfectly. And I subsequently spent a lot of time wondering why I wasn't like that. I spent far too many of my teenage years feeling inadequate. There was nothing anyone could have said to make me feel any differently. I just had those thoughts that I needed to figure out and make sense of on my own.
One day, after far too much time, it clicked. Beauty is about confidence and I don't necessarily think you have to really feel totally confident deep down inside all the time, you can just choose to put your confident face on and exude fabulousness. We all have insecurities, it's part of human nature, but it's so important not to let them consume you. You are worth so much more than you know. You are better than your insecurities.
So this is what my face looks like today. I forgot to put mascara on but there's still some left over from yesterday (shhhhh...) so that's good...or bad...always take your make up off properly! I have a few blemishes but there's nothing new there. Sure I'd look a little more cheek-boney (that's totally a word) if I lost a few pounds that I've put on recently. And sure I'd look a little less...quirky, odd, strange, silly (delete as appropriate) without my glasses on. But right now I really like chocolate digestive biscuits. And I love my glasses. And I'm finally at the point where I genuinely don't mind if someone doesn't like me, if they think I need to lose weight, if they don't like my lipstick or the way my hair frizzes up at the back.
I think it says a lot more about them than it does about me. Because, sure, I might have a giant spot in the middle of my forehead but I might also be wearing really nice shoes. And if I were them I'd walk past and think 'oooh cute shoes!' rather than 'eww giant zit!' because there's something positive in everything. Always.
P.S. Just in case - I'm wearing NARS Orgasm blush & Topshop All About Me lipstick.