H O M E .      A B O U T .      C O N T A C T .      T U M B L R .      T H E   B O O K   J O U R N A L .      sailorjennie [at] gmail [dot] com

Sunday, 1 January 2017

Dear 2017.


There are extraordinary things to be found within otherwise seemingly ordinary things. In those quiet moments when it may seem like nothing is happening, but the consistent whirring of new ideas and old memories within us is something that won't cease if we don't let it. How those simple gestures, like saying 'hello, how are you?', can mean so much. In understanding that every second is a gift, but that not every second will be easy to endure, and how that's okay because soon they will, once again, feel easier. How after finding those things that make your heart sing, it's even more important to hold on to them tightly because even though you can't dedicate every waking second to them, they make those hours spent doing things you have to do, but don't necessarily want do to, more bearable. And everyone has to do things they don't want to sometimes.

This moment here, right now, is the first time in a long time I have felt as though I don't want or need to change, and this is curious because I probably haven't been this depressed for over ten years and during that period of time, well, I would have done anything to change almost absolutely everything. And I don't mean this to sound as flippant as it probably does, but sometimes being a little bit flippant about some of the things inside my head is one of the only ways to get by, you know? But I think I need to feel like this sometimes, and to work through it in a way that I only I can, and to process things in ways that make sense to me even if they don't to anyone else. It's no secret that I live inside my own head a lot, but I think that's okay as long as I remember to not shut the world out completely. And this is where mustering the courage to break out of my shell to forge new connections is so important. I may be the Queen of acquaintances, but don't think I really know how to make friends anymore and I'd like to relearn how to do that.


You, 2017, are going to be my year of stories. Both real and not; old and new; meandering and brief. I want to voraciously inhale new stories, revisit old favourites and take time to ponder over each of them before moving on to the next. Because this isn't about reaching a target or meeting a challenge, that arbitrary number I've previously plucked from thin air at the start of the year. It's more than that. It should always have been more than that. I promise to be present, not scrolling twitter whilst watching a film; to lay down and do nothing but absorb the words floating from my record player; to light a candle and lose an afternoon within the pages of a book without feeling as though I should be doing something else. These moments will be little luxuries, but they're also infinitely more valuable than words can adequately express.

I will also (maybe, probably, at least some of the time)...
★ Be generous with my time.
★ Treasure my MA experience, and really invest the time into working through those concepts that currently feel impenetrable.
★ Listen to more music that means something to me.
★ Remember that this is a lo-fi space and iPhone snaps are fine. In fact, they're more than fine.
★ Read as much as possible, wherever and whenever there is a pocket of time there to take advantage of.
★ Go to the theatre, because there are stories to be heard there too.
★ Take more selfies and print more snapshots because I might want to remember what I looked like at this age, in ten or so years from now.
★ Save £1000, for no particular reason other than to prove to myself that I can do something when I set my mind to it.


Of course I can't possibly know what you have in store, 2017.
But my mind feels the clearest it has been in weeks.
And I'm proud that I can say, I am here.
I am present. And I am ready.

xo

33 comments:

  1. Starting and ending the year with your words! I always find your writing so therapeutic and rhythmic. I've set myself some goals next year with figures attached, and whilst none of them explicitly refer to this, I want to take a leaf out of your book and make sure I'm being more present too. It's wonderful to hear you are feeling better - my Twitter DMs are always open if you would like someone to talk to :-)

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    1. Thank you so much, Sian. That's so kind! xo

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  2. I love your goals, I think they're so unique and positive. I, too, would like to stop pressuring myself with my blog pictures and remind myself that iPhone pictures are just as cool.

    I wish you a wonderful year!!
    Alice // the-rose-glow.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you, Alice! You know, I love looking at other people's daily snapshots, they always feel so authentic it's like catching up with an old friend over coffee!

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  3. This is a beautiful post and much of it resonates with me, especially this line: "It's no secret that I live inside my own head a lot, but I think that's okay as long as I remember to not shut the world out completely."

    Wishing you every success and happiness for 2017. Good luck with your hopes for the year. ^_^

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    1. Thank you! Wishing you a wonderful 2017 <3

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  4. Wishing you a fully present and happy memory making 2017 xx

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  5. Your introvert friendly thoughts just ring so true. Shutting out the world feels so tempting somedays. Best of luck this year fellow MA grafter! x

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  6. I love this post and I've just added be more generous with my time to my list.
    I think it's so important, I've lost some very close people this year and there was nothing I wished I had more of than time with them.
    Charli Blogs: Beauty, Fashion, Lifestyle, Animals

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    1. Sending lots of love your way, Charli! I hope 2017 is kind to you x

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  7. Jennie, I'm so sorry you've been struggling. I definitely feel you on the flippancy, though; sometimes it just helps to make things less big and scary, and get them out of your head and into the world. Hoping you're feeling better soon, good luck with your goals, and have a beautiful 2017 ♥

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    1. Thank you, Jess! I hope you have a wonderful 2017 too <3

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  8. Jennie you have such a way with words! I'm so sorry you've been struggling, you're always so very, very kind and I hope you are feeling better soon. Not sure how useful I'll be but if you ever need a chat/rant I'm always just an email away! x

    Sick Chick Chic

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  9. Happy new year to you. Such wonderful, wonderful words. I hope this year is everything and more that you're hoping for. Xx

    Keep Calm and start writing -
    www.23millymay25.blogspot.co.uk.

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  10. Happy New Year, Jennie! You're brave and refreshingly honest. I know when I read your posts, they contain the truth - you aren't fussed about pretending to be another Instagram-perfect blogger. I too feel guilty when I spend hours reading, and have the urge to check my phone during social gatherings. I believe you will achieve your goals. You're strong and determined. This IS your year!

    T x

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    1. Thank you so much lovely! Wishing you the happiest 2017 <3

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  11. Happy 2017, Jennie! In similar ways I have quit the twitter world and at first it felt odd, like something was missing while I was on the tube on my way to Uni or waiting in line at the supermarket. The constant media noise made me nauseous and I decided to quit twitter for 2017. That gives me a lot more time to connect with people and keep my tiny blog alive :) I wish you all the best for your goals and count me in on the listening to (new) good music!

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    1. I'm so pleased that you've made more time for the things that really matter to you! Scrolling twitter can so quickly become a habit, and I'm only really realising that now I'm making a conscious effort not to. Wishing you a very happy 2017 <3

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  12. I love this post Jennie, all the best for the year ahead! You'll do great. And saving money is incredibly rewarding. I somehow manage to put at least £20 into my savings account each month and get a tiny thrill every time I do it. You got this!

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  13. Happy New Year to you, you lovely lady! <3 What a beautiful post too <3 I've realised that too much social media, and just the media in general is making me feel and think negatively, I want to step away from constantly looking at it this year. I can't control what happens in the world but I can at least control what I'm doing! I hope 2017 brings lots of joy and happiness to you even if there are hard times too. If you ever want to talk to me, you certainly can! <3 xxx

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    1. Happy New Year, Carly! I completely agree and it's quite amazing how much time there is in a day when I'm not scrolling twitter a million times an hour! Wishing you and your loved ones all the best for 2017! <3

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  14. This is a lovely post, I always struggle to be present and always feel I should be doing something else.. perhaps I should change that this year too! Xxx
    Lucy @ La Lingua | Life, Travel, Italy

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    1. Let 2017 be the year of being completely present in each moment <3

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  15. I'm usually wanting change, either because I'm bored or excited for something new, or because I don't like where I am currently. I think it can be good to not want change, to be content where you are. As for being flippant about things, sometimes it's easier to deal with things if you tell yourself that it isn't such a big deal, especially in the large scheme of things. You've got some lovely goals for 2017! I like the idea of saving 1000 :) -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey's

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  16. I'm so sorry to hear about your depression, I know what you mean about being flippant so you can get by. I also know how it feels to live inside your own head a lot! I hope you have the most wonderful 2017 and achieve all your goals, lots of love xx

    Toasty

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  17. Such a wonderful post Jennie. I'm so sorry to hear you've been affected by depression - it sounds awful but I'm glad that you're able to find ways to combat it and remain positive about the future. Being flippant works well for a lot of unsavoury situations I find. I look forward to the stories you'll tell and document this year xx

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